Monterey Diocese Spiritual Directors Retreat Held at St. Joseph’s Church

By Karen Sweet

For All things there is a Season (Ec 3)

Traveling from as far south as San Luis Obispo and as far north as Scotts Valley, fifteen spiritual directors gathered at St Joseph’s Church in Spreckels, for a day of retreat on Grief and Loss on Saturday, October 20, 2007. The retreat offered Monterey Diocese spiritual directors learning, fellowship, and strengthened their connectedness to others in this ministry across the far-reaching Monterey Diocese. Newly appointed Monterey Diocese Spiritual Direction Coordinator Barbara Winston facilitated the program. Margaret Marcroft made significant contributions to the successful day’s planning and logistics.

Five presentations addressed the different faces of grief and loss that bring people to spiritual direction. The first presenter was Eve Forrest, a Mercy Center trained spiritual director and very active church lector and minister. She spoke movingly on the painful consequences of poor life choices. People may feel profound regret, shame, and guilt over their self-betraying decisions, especially if an inner voice urging them to not make that choice is ignored. She emphasized the need to sit with the directee, to simply witness the grief as a key part of the spiritual healing process. Additionally, she offered that by Sacramental confession and absolution, individuals are reconciled to God and to themselves. Spiritual direction provides a safe way for the directee to accept the woundedness that led to the poor choice, and thus enables them to open up to receive God’s healing grace. Grief then becomes the necessary process that can lead the person beyond acceptance to gratitude and wholeness.

Dorothy O’Connor, a Mercy Center trained spiritual director and retired marriage and family therapist, shared her extensive insight on the pain and loss experienced in divorce and broken relationships. A key issue she pointed to is the length of time it takes to recover from divorce: a rule of thumb is one year of grieving for every five years of marriage. Although divorce is more common today, disapproval and shame frequently accompany the experience. The spiritual director must avoid judgment and view the directee from ‘the eye of the soul,’ that is, with the compassionate eyes of Christ. She encouraged the group to offer loving acceptance and a clear space for the directee to go inward to hear what God is saying about this journey.

Susan Mahan, a spiritual director in the northern part of the diocese, spoke on the impact of job and financial loss. She underscored the value of encouraging the directee to take the broader view of their job or financial loss as an invitation to seek a deeper relationship with God. She shared substantial reading resources she uses to stay informed on issues that her directees may experience, saying it is necessary to maintain a clear boundary between therapeutic and spiritual issues.

Dorothy O’Connor also presented on the grief associated with retirement. Retirement means losing a specific identity in the world, yet can be a purifying experience, clearing away worldly ideas and leaving room for God’s call. She said women come to her for spiritual direction seeking ways to deal with loss of mother/family caregiver role and the new freedom it brings, while seeking to avoid upsetting their marriages. Men also lose a sense of self at retirement, and the increased couple time may be challenging to both parties in a marriage as they redefine their time together. She sees value in spiritual direction encouraging each person to examine their own needs, during this major life change.

Karen Sweet, Christian Life Coach, spoke on grief associated with death and dying. She shared how God embraces grief and mourning as seen in Ecclesiastes; For all things there is a Season (Ec 3). Acknowledging directees in their mourning, as their lives end or as their loved ones’ lives end requires holding a sacred, safe space for them to connect with God. She noted that theme interwove all the day’s talks. Grieving directees need a sacred, safe, non-judgmental space to experience God’s presence: that is the heart of spiritual direction.

An end of day wrap up session polled participants on their needs and desires for future gatherings. Based on attendee feedback, future gatherings under consideration include substantive theme-based retreats, greater opportunity during retreats for peer relationship-building, quiet/contemplative renewal retreats, and overnight retreats. All participants expressed the desire to continue deepening their connections with other spiritual directors and the desire to invite more directors into the program: to strengthen and enhance the spiritual direction community.

If you are a spiritual director and wish to receive future Monterey Diocese Spiritual Direction related announcements, please contact Barbara Winston, Spiritual Direction Coordinator at bwinston@dioceseofmonterey.org. Or, if you are an individual seeking a spiritual director please call 831.623.4234 or 831.645.2841.